Dive Into Vintage Bathers

I made a very controversial clothing purchase the other day. I bought a second-hand swimsuit. 

Second-hand bathers differ from other vintage buys. Telling a friend you’re wearing a swimsuit that once belonged to somebody else is the equivalent of telling them you’ve just eaten chewing gum off the ground. I was told it’s disgusting, unhygienic and will be sure to make me look like a hobo. This reaction is common because people are, quite understandably, concerned about who owned the bathers before them – and, sharing underpants space with a stranger can make even the keenest vintage shopper slightly squeamish. Admittedly I had the same reservations. Or at least, I had reservations until I spotted a piece of 1950s swimwear perfection.

This second-hand one piece is the type of swimsuit that Marilyn Monroe would have worn during a promotional shoot for How to Marry a Millionaire. It has a halter neck, subtle floral pattern and a boy-leg bottom that perfectly camouflages even the heaviest of thighs. Once I reconciled myself to the idea of buying vintage swimwear, I faced my second dilemma - the top half.

I’m not sure if it was all that red meat and full cream milk they consumed in the 1950s, but the women of 50 years ago just seemed to be built a lot differently to how we’re built today. I’m talking about the ample busts of the 1950s starlets. Unfortunately, while my (almost) perfect swimsuit beautifully accommodated my hips and successfully camouflaged my round belly and womanly thighs, the top half remained disappointingly empty. After sharing my woes with a similarly under-endowed friend, she was very quick in advising, “If you don’t got it. Fake it.” So, off I popped to Lincraft to discover the secret of faking it - 1950s style.

Lincraft promotes itself as a home store, but, its range includes everything from fabrics to crafty goodies and haberdashery. They have dozens of locations throughout Australia or you can shop online (no overseas sales though unfortunately). They even have a whole section dedicated to fake boobs! Found amongst the multitude of sewing tools and looking suspiciously like shoulder pads, you can choose between an array of sizes and colours. So, after pondering the decision for a while, I picked up my pair of choice, dusted off the sewing kit and began the transformation.

For somebody who failed sewing class due to an unsatisfactory cross-stitch, I think I did all right. While I’m far from resembling Marilyn Monroe, my new bathers do make me feel like a movie star from another era. And, despite sharing underwear space with a stranger, I still consider my bathers to be perfect. At the very least I can rest assured that the stranger who owned my perfect one-piece before me had impeccable taste – not to mention a very womanly bust.