Wise Guy Fashion

While we at AskBronny are always striving to prove that most women are beyond casting shallow judgments, sometimes we really can tell a man by the way he wears his pants and shoes.

It is fair to say that most women take pride in their appearance - ensuring that an outfit is planned down to the last, crucial detail. It would be unthinkable for a modern gal to go to the effort to preen her hair, liberally apply her make-up, slide on her favourite party dress with her seamless knickers and glued-on nipple-guards, fasten her matching earrings and necklace and then, just as she is going out the door, carelessly throw on her holey old trainers. Likewise, we also expect that men should make the effort to ‘finish’ their outfits appropriately.  

My friend Joh has, for many years, sworn by her strict pants-and-shoe criterion. Her philosophy is pretty simple – not only does a man have to have good pants and shoes; he also has to have a faultless pants-and-shoe ensemble.

You can tell a lot by the way a man matches his bottom half. If the look works, then it suggests he takes pride in himself, that he pays attention to detail and that he is confident about projecting his personal image. If the combination fails miserably, then it suggests he cares little about the fine points, that he is unsure which image to project, or simply that he has been absolutely lost since his mother stopped dressing him.

Admittedly, some of these ‘hopeless’ cases can truly benefit from valuable fashion advice - especially from the fashionistas at AskBronny. There are guys who appeal because of their ‘fixer upper’ charm; while their dress sense isn’t completely abysmal, it may be improved with a little guidance from a discerning woman eager for a challenge. 
 
Yet if you are looking for a ready-made man, here are a few important aspects of Joh’s pants-and-shoes policy:
 
Mixing Business with Leisure
There is no excuse for board shorts and dress shoes. The same goes for dress pants and tatty old trainers, except in cases where the wearer might have gone or be going to the gym. This suggests that he at least takes care of what lies underneath his clothes.

Wearing it well
Although men’s fashion has recently embraced the pre-worn and designer-torn look, it is also important for a man to know when to let go of his favourite threads - before they actually become ‘threads’. The same goes for shoes – only sandals and flip-flops should show off man-toes. We all love jeans and there are some particularly hot numbers coming out for the lads, so there is little reason to persevere with the old stone-washed, tapered and pleated pairs from the sharp end of the 80’s.

On the flipside, while we all like a tidy man, sometimes there are limits to meticulousness. I get a little freaked out by guys who iron creases down the legs of their jeans. It would also be intimidating if a man’s pants and shoes always looked brand-new. It would be like going out with a Ken doll.

Novelty Socks
A key part of the pants and shoes criterion is the flow-on effect. Trousers that are too short conjure images of Huckleberry Finn. Trousers that are too long make us think that the wearer may have been recently squashed. It is equally important to consider sock choice, for it can be assumed that when a man sits down, that crucial trouser/shoe gap will be revealed.
Now, few things are as off-putting as gaudy novelty socks. There are the versions that grandmothers give for Christmas: complete with snowmen, cartoon Simpson characters or ‘special boy’ emblazoned on them. Then there are the styles that grandmothers would never choose – socks covered with ‘hung like a donkey’ or ‘mega-stud’. While we’re on the subject: novelty ties – definite no-no!

The Bottom Line
It is bad enough when a man wears trousers that are about seventeen sizes too large. It can imply that he might be over-compensating for something… It is quite another story when he also fails to wear a belt, whereupon his bottom shines out for all to see. While it may be extreme plumber chic, most people would rather not view that dark alley. Tight pants can be equally terrifying for similar reasons…

Personal Quirks
While there are a few facets of the criterion that are universally acknowledged, there is also room for personal preference. For instance, I think the only men who should wear designer boots are rock stars and cowboys. My problem is not really the way they look, but the way they sound – it is like hitting the town with a guy in high heels. Only women and horses should clip-clop.

In addition - only cricketers should wear white pants, boat shoes fare badly on dry land and anyone who wears knee socks with tight shorts is destined to become a creepy science teacher.

I guess the fundamental point of the criteria is that a man should look like he knows who he is and what he is doing – or at least that he knows how to dress himself.