| Battle of the Bathers |
| Written by Nicola Hyland | |
Are you currently inside avoiding the sunshine because of a fear of swimwear? Will you ever win the battle of the bathers like Superwoman who wore hers as work attire?
A few weeks ago, I was emerging from a refreshing swim on a sweltering day, when I heard the unmistakeable click of a digital camera. To my horror, I spotted a duo of middle-aged European men openly capturing me in my drenched glory as I scurried to my towel. While I was frantically trying to cover and compose myself, these vile voyeurs had already taken off - probably to catch some other innocent sandy-eyed beach bunny. While this was obviously an extremely violating incident, it was also – significantly - one that managed to shatter any sense of comfort I had about being in a swimsuit in public. Like so many other women all over the globe, I had for years never felt more insecure and self-conscious as I did when in my bikini. After having gone through a whole body-image metamorphosis, I suddenly found myself experiencing those vulnerable ‘naked’ feelings I thought I had overcome. So how can women feel confident about being seen in swimwear? Logic tells us that some of the most scarring images on our nation’s beaches are actually more likely to come from the male department. Hairy-backed gorilla men, pot-bellied grandpas in the tiniest, holey budgie-smugglers (aka Speedo’s) – in fact, one of the most gruesome sights I ever witnessed were a group of overweight Japanese teenagers in nut-cracking women’s boy-leg bathers - true nightmare material! Yet, so often, women feel that they cannot possibly compete with the bronzed sixteen year old supermodels bouncing along the beach in flimsy bits of string. Because, let’s be honest - if you are planning to hit the sand, it is inevitable that someone you don’t know and will never see again may just witness you in your swimsuit. This is a terrifying concern for so many of us. A friend of mine told me recently that when she has to wear her swimsuit in public, she copes by pretending that she is actually invisible! It seems we have forgotten the fact that we are blessed to have access to such beautiful beaches with clean air and clear water. We are more caught up in the idea that the beach is actually some sort of meat market. Does the fear of being seen outweigh the amount of pleasure you get from being there? It is often the case that a single body hang-up that may cause a whole summer of swimwear avoidance. While tiny virtual nipple-flaps may not be your forte, there are swimsuits out there that cater for every single insecurity. A feminine one-piece with flattering rouching can disguise a rounded belly. Boy-leg cuts can minimise views of the thighs, while humble-breasted lasses can benefit from a little ‘magic’ padding. It is a good idea to buy a two piece separately, ensuring that both top and bottoms fit comfortably. Outlets such as David Jones have great selections of styles and cuts, where discreet staff can also give helpful assistance. The fact is that not everyone needs to be nearly naked. In Victorian times, the view of a mere ankle could send the male population into fits of ecstasy – so why not apply this logic to the ‘noughties’ and play your own game of ‘hide and peek’. Loose kaftans are a hot must-have – both sexy and sun-smart - while a light ‘mumu’ dress or sarong will add a little personal comfort and a little mystery. Enormous sun hats and sunglasses will further add to your pseudo-celebrity mystique. While it may seem obvious, if you are going to be seen in a little less then usual, it makes sense to ensure all your bits are looking ship-shape. A dusting of bronzer, a light self-tanning treatment, painted and pedicured toenails and a, um, ‘careful’ wax job can transform you into a summery goddess. Moisturiser with a shimmer or cocoa butter will also give you an all-over healthy shine, but always remember to put on sunscreen as well – the lobster-look is far more ‘freak’ then chic. Much about what makes anyone look great in a swimsuit is about confidence – good bodies in amazing costumes can actually look awful if the person is clearly uncomfortable. If someone is confident about their body – no matter how society ‘rates’ it – then they are more likely to be admired by onlookers then a self-conscious rake. If confidence is the cost of a new muslin wrap, or a container of ‘Holiday sun’ tanning moisturiser, then surely it is worth it for that relaxing day in the sea air. Maybe we should also take some time to ponder the plight of those poor sun-soaking celebrities. Every move a holidaying celeb makes will be caught from every inconceivable angle and plastered on next week’s NW - “The Fat Issue - Focus on Celebrity Cellulite.” We ‘ordinary’ people can count ourselves lucky that we don’t have to face a barrage of magazines covers emblazoned with a close-up of our own dimply bottoms. Perhaps I should then consider myself fortunate that all I have to face is the knowledge that some creepy Frenchman has a blurry shot of me with ‘Cousin It’ hair and sand up to my armpits. |
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