Fashions Aching Foot

Unbelievably, research indicates that the average American woman has only twelve pairs of shoes. This seems conservative to me. And it seems that I have been shopping on behalf of those shoe deprived women for many years now. But then again, these dozen-shoe-owning women still possess more than twice the pairs of shoes than the average American man. So even at this conservative estimate, it still demonstrates that most women have an affinity with shoes on some level.

Shoes have moved from the very basic level of providing protection for our feet. (Hah! In reality when you look at what we women get about in, most of us would have healthier feet if we spent all our of days barefoot.) Today, shoes convey status, and most definitely emphasise sex appeal.

The shoe, more than anything else you put on every day, says the most about you. How many times have you donned a seemingly nothing outfit only to add your most fabulous pair of shoes, and suddenly you feel like a squillion bucks? For example, I have the most ridiculous red, pointed, patent leather stilettos that I can add to a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt and suddenly I feel almost Hollywood. Its all in the shoes. Add a pair of sneakers and I could get away with having dirty hair and would not be looked at twice on the way to buy my milk.

Apparently there are 8 categories or designs under which all shoes fall. Many shoe worshippers have put forward variations on these, but according to William Rossi who is considered a shoe scholar (I knew I chose the wrong degree!) these are it:

1. the sandal
2. the boot
3. the moccasin
4. the mule
5. the monk strap
6. the clog

So, not sure I agree with those. And if they are the gospel categories of shoe, I am quite happy to stay pretty far away from a couple of classifications. I prefer to classify my shoes into just two categories - fun and not so fun. These are then separated into two different closets, in two different rooms, and are obviously for very different occasions and purposes. My fun shoes obviously include the red stilettos. Ridiculously high and fabulously furry zebra print peep toes have just been added to the fun collection. My not so fun shoes are still divine, but when compared to the likes of the zebras are, well, not so fun. These are in the same closet as my not so fun (ie work) clothes, and hence, are mostly worn to work. Or sombre gatherings where iridescent red and crazy animal prints are not considered an expression of style but rather an expression of my total lack of tact or common sense. So, best to keep them separated.

Another great way to look at shoes is by their purpose. Obviously protection of your feet is not one of these and if you even thought that you need to spend more time in your most uncomfortable but fabulous shoes right now! What I mean is, when you put these on, what are you actually saying? Is it, "I know I am sexy" for example? We all have those shoes. The borderline prostie shoes that you either lace around your calves or buckle around your ankle, and you know that men are checking you out because of your hot, "I am sexy" shoes, and women are checking you out wishing they hadn't opted for their not-so-fun shoes. I once tried to loan my sister a pair of my favourite "I am sexy" shoes, and her fairly conservative boyfriend swiftly told her to get them off because they screamed sex. Mission accomplished.

Then there's the good old power shoe. These will probably be in the not-so-fun cupboard, but that doesn't mean they aren't amazing for their purpose. These are the shoes you wear to work that turn your suit into a feminine power house. Usually you'll be stiletto-ing, probably pointy, but still all business and all class. If you're sneaky you can even get away with your "I am sexy" shoes beneath your suit to power up your feet. And if someone gets a glimpse of the sexiness halfway up your leg, more power to you!

I do think boots are in a bit of a league of their own, and they can be sexy or conservative, and even just functional if you're freezing your toes off somewhere. Also a bit of a stand alone is the sneaker. Although not a style icon, there is now sneaker chic and I have to admit to paying a silly amount of money for cute Sketchers so when I do opt for the girl next door look, I still look trendy. Oh the shame of the shoe obsession!

For those of us with the shoe gene, shoes are anything but a protective covering for our feet. They make your outfit, or they break your outfit. They are a form of expression, and often only the bold dare to wear the shoes that many others see through envious eyes. Shopping for shoes is like an addiction, and deciding on which shoe to wear in the morning is your daily fix. I make no apologies for my shoe obsession, and it has become a descriptor for me the way "outgoing" is for others. Only tonight as I was writing my shopping list as my parents' house, my Dad asked "and are shoes on the list?" At last an addiction that is socially acceptable!

Manolo Blahnik in all his holiness, once stated "When women ask me about heels, I say, try a pair on. If you don't see the magic, stick to Reeboks." I see the magic Mr Blahnik, but if you could just have a word with my boyfriend and my debt collector...