Sloppy Fashion |
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| Written by Nicola Hyland | |
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I believe the children are our future… so what the heck are they wearing?! AskBronny laments the scary rise of slob chic.
Britney Spears has a lot to answer for. Forget the shaved head, the on-off rehab stints, the “oh my goodness, I clean forgot my knickers” escapades. Nope, my barney with Brit has been something far more detrimental to our impressionable youth: her contribution to the rise of Slob Chic. Slob chic is pretty self-explanatory: it is the transformation of the least flattering lazy-day outfits and accessories into ‘fashionable’ day wear. For some reason, throngs of teenage girls are now hitting the streets in their cloned posses wearing a selection of the daggiest, ugliest, sloppiest outfits on the planet. These are the sort of clothes that the ordinary fashionista wears only around the house and only if she is ill, has recently gone through a crushing break-up, is inexplicably hungover, or all of the above. We at Ask Bronny applaud personal comfort, but ladies, have some dignity! We all have off days; when your hair looks like the cat slept in it, when your hormones give you extra belly baggage and when that block of choc pushed you over the edge into a pimply oblivion. These kinds of days demand an outfit with the least amount of personal restriction and irritability. And it is a great thing that bared midriffs and skinny jeans are on the way out, while man-pants and long cardigans now grace the racks and bods of the uber cool. But there is simply no excuse for embracing the recent anti-fashion trend of trackies, uggs, crocs, leggings and general hobo styling currently taking over our malls. Track them down Recently on a train trip I witnessed a bunch of six young gals excitedly making their way into the city for a super shopping fest. They were all wearing slight variations of the same outfit and it looked like they’d all put in a bit of effort: a shovel-load of make-up, a fair showering of Impulse and even a little glittery moisturiser. But, lo and behold, each and every one was wearing a pair of what I can only describe as the ugliest trackies in the entire world. No, not your nice, sensible sporty gym pants. I’m talking over-sized fleece-lined sweatshirt material, worn in the backside, putridity. It’s like they all went into some small-town discount outlet warehouse and cried “Fetch me a pair of unsightly trailer-trash trackies, preferably in a repulsive shade of puce, crimson or mustardy brown! I don’t mind if an overweight alcoholic fisherman has worn them every day for the last thirty years…” These types of trousers are as flattering as wearing velour car-seat covers. They look good on nobody. In fact, the person who invented them has to be an evil woman-hating maniac. Leg it Wearing leggings without anything over them is like when men justify their y-fronts as speedos. Tights are not trousers. Tights are, as the name suggests, very tight. As such, they belong only in the realm of the undergarment. I feel like yelling “Hey! You seem to have forgotten to dress your bottom half!” The main reasons you should forgo wearing leggings sans skirt are the inevitable revelation of the “muffin top”, visible panty line and the front “definition” which embarrasses anyone unfortunate enough to glance down there. I had an aunt who used to wear leggings without adequate covering. She was not a fashion icon. She had a bowl hair cut and a penchant for false nails and cheap rings. Do you want to be in the same category as the original Shazza? Ugg-ly The only thing worse then a pair of ugly trackies about town is when they are teamed with a pair of worn old ugg boots. Don’t be lost on the irony of the name – these are truly ugly feet cladding. Oh yes, they are comfy and oh-so-warm, but so are electric blankets and you don’t see many people walking around town in them, do you? Plus when you walk in them you look like a Clydesdale caught in a mud puddle. While we are on the subject of ugly footwear, Crocs are still number one on our “don’t buy, ever” list. Recent studies have shown that people who wear crocs are twice as likely to be shunned by sane society forever. I might have made that up, but take heed, people, crocs are so not cool. Don’t get me wrong, I really love the loose and long tops around at the mo. Winter will be a little warmer with a thigh-long cardigan and a little woollen dress (with tights safely underneath.) But covering up does not mean smothering yourself in formless sacks and horrific tracksuits. Just because its cold and you are almost transparent from the lack of sunshine, does not mean you have to ditch the sexy from your closet. Ignore your inner Britney! Save yourself from a slothful future! |
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