When Knickers Go Wrong

It can happen to the best of us, and one should never forget mum’s advice ‘always wear clean underwear’.  None of us likes to think about going under a bus, and if that really did happen somehow I think whether the knickers went on clean or not – they would not stay clean!  But that said, here are a few reasons why we really should get our knickers right, and even on some occasions why we should perhaps leave them off all together (that’s right girls I said off!).

Low cut jeans
I myself have been accused of wearing the wrong knickers on occasion when wearing low cut jeans, in fact it commonly became known as Bronny’s whale tail.  But I learnt my lesson and realized firstly nobody wants to see my arse crack, and secondly, nobody wants to see my g-string going up my arsecrack. 

There are really only three solutions to this dilemma: hipster g-strings, commando and wrap something around your waist.

Let’s talk g-string hipsters first.  If you are going to wear knickers with hipsters then stick to the hipster g-string kind and make sure they sit low and are the right size, that way when you sit down your g-string will stay hidden in your jeans.  One of the reasons it must be said that girls knickers hang out when wearing this type of jean is that the jean is usually the wrong size and travels well below the crack of dawn as you sit down.

The second solution to this problem is to go commando, that’s right take the knickers off and go knickerless as Kramer said ‘I’m freeballing and loving every minute of it’.  I wouldn’t say that you’ll feel that free but give it a try and you will be surprised. 

Lastly, buy hipsters that fit you and if you still have the knicker / bum crack problem when you sit down, then quite frankly wrap a cardy around your waist or put a jacket on the back of the seat so that you can have some dignity when you stand up.  Going for your shot at the pool table – well that’s a whole other article!

Granny Knickers
It has to be said that so many women wear the wrong kind of knickers with their work trousers.  For example, if you are wearing a thin trouser – granny knickers are not a good idea.  Now when I say granny knickers I mean the kind that skim the belly button and sit down low on your leg – no waxing necessary to wear these babies.  Think Bridgette Jones and you’re getting the idea.  Here’s how to tell if you’re getting the knicker thing wrong with your work trousers.

1. Can you see the knicker line?
2. Are the knickers saggy and thus creating a sagging illusion through the trouser?
3. Have I created a quadruple bottom affect?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you need to change your underwear.  If wearing a dark colored trouser then you can wear whatever color you like, but please go for beige if you are wearing white, because white knickers + white trousers = a great view of your arse for any man who cares to look.

Stand in front of a mirror in a well lit area and check out your rear end.  If there is any line, sag or see through action – back to the knicker drawer and try again.

Commando
Okay, occassionaly one must wear no knickers at all, think hipsters, clubbing, standing on your feet all night, knickerless can come in quite handy in this situation.  However, when you are wearing a skirt it is not time to go Commando.  I have a friend who never wears knickers and on a few occasions in the summer I’ve seen more of her accidentally than I think I ever should!  If you are going to go commando, please make sure you have visited the waxing salon beforehand.  Trim the grass ladies!  It is truly a good idea to keep oneself groomed in all areas of the body.  There is no excuse for pubes that actually make your map of Tassy greet the actual map of Tassy (for those of you not from Australia, Tasmania is the shape of an upside down triangle, or in other words a ladies front bottom covered in hair!).

That’s my pet peeves when it comes to knickers – how about telling us some of yours in the Clotheshorse the AskBronny online forum coming soon.  I’m sure a few of you have some of those funny stories about going into the toilet and not checking that your dress was tucked into your knickers only to receive wolf whistles and have no idea why!

Pray – do tell all!

Love
Bronny
xxxx

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