Best & Worst Fashion '07 |
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| Written by Bronny | |
 Lace up those frocks, lather on that make-up and practice that weepy acceptance speech – it's time for the first annual Ask Bronny Academy of Fashion Awards (or ABAFA’s). Take your seats and experience the crème and the crud of fashion in '07.
Heaven for some, and a harsh sentence for others, 2007 has been a bit of a fashion rollercoaster. We have seen hemlines rise and fall, embraced beautiful and bizarre fads and witnessed the slow demise of mustard yellow and the crop jacket (RIP). While wars raged over 'military chic,' the worrying growth in popularity of 'slob' and 'geek chic' amongst teens caused alarm bells amongst the fashionably mature. Kate clawed her way back on top; Sienna had some major disasters and Britney… let’s just say Brit will feature very unfavourably at this year’s ABAFAs. So, without any further ado… 1. The Must-Have award for Best Fashion item of 2007 Fashion has favoured almost every figure this year, with fashion gurus everywhere applauding the luminous and feminine designs of the four seasons. The pinafore and maxi dress both deserve highly commended honours for services to rolly tummies worldwide. The colour purple was another welcome nominee, along with the gorgeous a-line blouse, pea coat and return of the cinch belt. Cotton scarves, in the ‘Laurence of Arabia’ style give a mystical air to a summery look, while clunky wooden bracelets seem to be a constant staple. But the award for best fashion item of 2007 goes to the wonderful, functional tunic dress. A little bit mod and a little bit cheeky, the tunic/shift was the best part of a sullen winter and a welcome stayer in spring. 2. The "So '06" award for fashion has-beens We’ve already covered the crop jacket, which will be sadly missed, but what else gets the prize for most passé? We have the bubble skirt and footless tights leaving our racks, while headbands seem to have returned to Alice in Wonderland. Poker-straight hair has been given a rest while many in the fashion world are giving a huge no-no to Boho. But the prize for the most ‘old hat’ item in the fashion vocabulary - Crocs. Don’t even donate them, they will never be vintage cool, NEVER! 3. The bulging handbag award for best products We all love our trendy gimmicks and it is hard to narrow it down to a blessed few. Red lipstick, inspired by Dita von Teese and vastly becoming an Oscar must-have, is a little piece of wonder woman for every gal. Black nail polish has escaped from the Emo ghetto and is gracing nails near you. Spray tan beats the solarium hands down – as long as you keep those hands (and knees) away from that vicious orange tinge. Organic hand cream wins several votes (Go for Aesop, your mitts will smell like paradise), while moist toilettes get thumbs up for hygiene. But the best all-round product of 2007 has to be (for me at least) Palmers Cocoa Butter. For lips, hips, stretch marks and scars, you can smell a little chocolately and sparkle like a star. 4. The lovely locks award for best hairstyle Red hair is big, while Big hair is bigger, yet there is nothing really constant in head fashion this year except for one revolutionary style – the Pob. Endowing the over-exposed head of Victoria Beckham, the pob is massive – especially if you are built like a lollypop. Katie has one, although Suri’s is slightly better. All hail the pob and let’s not think how difficult it will be to grow out… 5. The Carrie Bradshaw award for fabulous footwear All fabulous shoes should get a lifetime achievement award, but I think metallic sandals get a nod for their goddess good looks. So too do the wonderful open-toe retro heels. Ballet flats are the best for anyone with dancing feet (or no rhythm at all). But the prize for fab footwear must go to the entirely multi-functional and fresh wedge heel. 6. The Arm Candy award for best Man-accessory I think it was Bryan Adams who said “The only thing that looks good on me is you.” The nominees for best man accessory include the luscious Jake Gyllenhaal (for Reese), the cute-but-stupid David Beckham (for Posh) and the perennial favourite, Mr George Clooney (for almost everyone). The dishy Prince William might have got a word in if he took less fashion advice from his father (urgh). The award goes to none-other then the best chest in the west, the daddy you’d like to take home to your daddy, Mr Brad Pitt... Yum. 7. The ‘What was she thinking?’ award for worst man accessory Pete Doherty. No explanation necessary. 8. The ‘I am Woman’ award for most empowering fashion moment This award has a four way tie. First there is the Reese Witherspoon’s ‘I don’t need a man’ fantastic makeover moment for the 2007 Golden Globes. Likewise, Cams post-Justin Oscar Frock proved that you can be fabulous even if your love took sexy back. Katie Holmes earned props for looking fit and healthy in it-colour purple after running the New York Marathon. The final is a recent moment by bootylicious Jennifer Love Hewitt who silenced critics who labelled her bikini bod ‘fat’ by proclaiming she loved her curvy body. You go girls! 8. The ‘Oops I did it again’ Fashion disaster moment A close runner-up was Amy Winehouse who recently left her house in nothing but a bra, jeans, a motley beehive and a few empty vodka bottles. Coming in for a surprise entry is Angelina Jolie, who turned up to a premiere in a pair of leather pants that promptly split apart. Luckily she had the protection of Brad at her side… However the top three nominees for this unlucky title belong to the inspiration for the award itself – Miss Britney Spears. Shaving you hair and then attacking a car with an umbrella – it’s up there. Appearing on the MTV music awards looking lost and shocking with terrible re-growth and bad stripper style –that’s pretty vote-worthy. But the ultimate moment of fashion catastrophe must go to the night Britney showed the world where her poor babies come from. Ye gads…. 9. The 'Where are they now?' award for fashionable disappearance Some of last year’s fashionistas have fallen right off the fashion radar this year. Even the ones we love to judge. Jessica Simpson, has barely made a mention in either the best or worst dressed lists. Where has Mischa gone? What about Drew Barrymore? Yet I think the most surprising absentee from the fashion bibles is the complete It girl of 2006, Sienna Millar. After the terrible leotard phase, the death of Boho and the poorly-judged little-boy haircut, Siena seems to have gone into hiding at the bottom of a beverage or perhaps her new boyfriend Reese ‘ratso’ Iffans undies... he's the one who looks like he never wears clean jocks. Were we only fans because we felt sorry for her being involved with love rat Jude? Time will tell… 10. The Audrey Hepburn award for contribution to fashion in 2007 Named in honour of the classiest fashionista in history, the award for best dressed of the year has been a pretty tough pick. Many worthy candidates have emerged; Scarlett Johansson, Christina Aguilera, Keira Knightley, Jessica Alba and Cate Blanchett have all earned places in the top box. Gwen Stefani should get a nod for her quirky personal style, while Nicole Richie seems to be on the mental mend as she waddles into yummy mummy territory. But, for her consistent and often-risky fashion choices, we believe the best dressed woman of 2007 has to be Cameron Diaz. The single life defiantly suits you Miss Diaz…. 11. The Bjork award for crimes of fashion in 2007 You already know who this belongs to. While Avril Lavinge consistently dresses with her eyes closed and Amy Winehouse draws inspiration from pirate wenches, the supreme epitome of fashionably-challenged belongs solely to Britney Spears. Which proves that you might be able to buy all the mocha frappachinos in the world, but you just can’t buy good taste. It’s time to grab all your socialite buddies, scoff down a post-award burger and scurry to a B-list after party. Who knows what fashion history will be made in 2008, let’s just hope that rehab and jail are just passing fads and that the year will be about pants on and crocs off. |
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