The Fashion Police

And they usually provide regular, unwanted “helpful” fashion advice, when we all know, AskBronny provides all the fashion advice you need!

Often, a workplace dominated by females is the worst place for the fashion police to lurk. There is a self proclaimed Chief of Fashion Police in my office, however she does not patrol the hallways for the good of office fashion. The head to toe once over that the younger girls in the office receive every time they pass the Chief is enough to create a rush on mu-mus at the local markets. This is a very good example of when the Fashion Police are corrupt. They no longer work for the good of fashion society, instead they police fashion in a most bitchy way, designed to make themselves feel better about their atrocious clothing choices.

The friend or parent moonlighting as part of the fashion police are often more difficult to handle. They genuinely believe they are being helpful by commenting on your wardrobe. Mothers are often the worst culprits, sending you sneaky purchases of what they would prefer to see you in, usually flowing blouses with a large floral print, or regularly suggesting how you could improve what you have on.  And most of us have at least one friend who genuinely thinks that daily suggestions like “I think a red belt would have been better with that outfit” are welcome. That said, the friend that stops you from leaving the house looking like a hooker in a pleather mini-dress on Friday night is worthy of her police badge.

Most of us are usually guilty of acting as fashion police, even if we are less overt than the tactless everyday running commentary we receive from our self proclaimed style guides. Who amongst us hasn’t muttered a sarcasm laden “great ensemble” to our girlfriends when a total fashion victim walks by? It seems that by nature, women (and some men, lets not discriminate!) feel compelled to comment on what the rest of the world is wearing.

I must admit being guilty of it myself, recently unwittingly (and jokingly!) telling a curvier colleague, to put her boobs away when she had popped a couple of buttons. Needless to say, she was mortified and I felt dreadful. I found out later another colleague had asked the same girl, on the same day, if she was pregnant. I don’t think our poor workmate will be wearing that top again any time soon,

For the most part, the fashion police we encounter in our everyday lives are self-titled. However one place there really should be a dedicated fashion force is Hollywood. Many celebrities seem to avoid, or ignore, the fashion police (and their stylist it would seem) on a regular basis, possibly the most notorious for it is Lil’ Kim. Her recent appearance at the MTV Video Music Awards in an orange prison jumpsuit confirmed her confusion when it comes to style.  You would think after months of being forced to look the same as all the other girls in the slammer, it would have been her last choice! Maybe her conviction had nothing to do with perjury and conspiracy and it was actually the fashion police that had her locked up in the first place! That said, at least it shows she has a sense of humour, and it was probably the most fabric the girl has worn in public for decades.

The fashion police in your life have the best intentions, for the most part, and I think that all of us have probably benefited, at one time or another, from some uninvited fashion advice. For those of us who regularly doubt the advice we are given by our fashion police, there are basic fashion rules that should be followed, all of which can be found here on AskBronny!  (link this back to your how not to be a fashion victim rules, or general rules somewhere else on the site?) Not only will this make you a qualified fashion police member yourself, but you can tell your wannabe stylists that they have officially been made redundant.

Keep an eye out for your local fashion police. If you’re lucky they may be of the Miami Vice Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell variety, in which case we should all be wearing our ugliest attire in the hopes of a pat down!