Fashion Faux Pas

Most of us have made the odd fashion error, even if we won’t admit it, like forcing ourselves into a top that is maybe just a smigde too tight, the all too familiar g-banger hanging out of the pants, or thinking that white underwear can’t be seen beneath white clothing.

Some of these fashion mess ups can be attributed to totally excusable things – fat days, a bad hair day, or a hating your job day for example. There are times when, despite our better judgment, we just can’t be bothered with glamming up and go out looking less than our best. And there are days when no matter what you drag out of your cupboard, you just can’t seem to get it right. These days unfortunately seem to go hand in hand with being a female, and it is just unfortunate that we can’t telepathically explain our bad fashion day reasons to the rest of the population when it does happen.

Most of us gals have enough style to not commit one of the most common fashion faux pas, the socks and sandals crime. This looks utterly ridiculous, but seems to be committed mostly by men, and if your boyfriend insists on sporting both foot coverings, you need to start being a bit firmer with your wardrobe assistance. As hideous as most men’s feet are, (I personally believe no man should ever show his feet in public, other than at the beach where they are hopefully hidden by the sand anyway) sandals with socks are even worse than sandaled men’s feet. Sorry, I have a real foot thing.

Just as socks should not be sported with sandals, nor should white socks be visible above the shoe and before the trouser leg starts.  Michael Jackson somehow managed to pull this look off in the 80s, but he is the only person that should ever be known for doing this, and his fashion choices since are probably not to be aspired to by the everyday person.

As much as it is easy to laugh at the guys, we females are still guilty of our own fashion faux pas, and the one I spot the most, and can justify the least is the muffin top. As girls, we all tend to put a little too much emphasis on the number stitched into the label on our clothes, and most of us would probably to regularly buy a smaller size than we do. I know people who have cut tags out of clothing immediately after going up a dress size, so as to convince themselves that the little number isn’t really there at all. This is fine, (sort of…) as we all know which size looks best on us, but also which size makes us feel good about ourselves, and it’s common knowledge that sizes fluctuate depending on which designer you buy, or which store you are in. But what isn’t fine, is insisting on squashing yourself into a smaller size, convinced that it still fits.

The muffin top – that horrendous occurrence of love handles hanging over the top of your jeans or skirt - is caused by exactly this. Boob tubes and skin tight tops that don’t quite make it all the way down to the top of jeans produces that less than attractive muffin top look – everything is held in nice and tight until that fatal place where it all explodes out of control. Jeans that are far too tight have a similar effect, and a burst of flabby tummy hanging out of an otherwise great outfit is a completely avoidable faux pas. Even the likes of Kelly Clarkson has been caught out with a muffin top producing outfit, and it seems that no matter what your celebrity status, someone is going to call you on it!

Another common fashion faux pas is those people I like to call "logo loco". This is designer admiration gone too far, and we have all seen examples of it roaming the streets. From a homie wannabe in head to toe Adidas to the more refined ladies who should know better wearing the tell-tale Chanel Cs to within an inch of their lives, these people take logos a little too far. It is fine to want to sport a designer that you love, but looking like you are paid to endorse the company is taking things to the extreme.  The fatal faux pas here is more to do with these people thinking the rest of us don’t notice the subtle designer touches. Trust me, we all do.  A well groomed lass swanning about with a Fendi bag will be noticed, and for the Fendi. It’s not necessary to have a matching tracksuit with “Fendi” printed the whole way through the fabric. I often wonder if designers produce these garments of overkill just to see who will actually dare to wear them.

Then there is that appalling faux pas of attempting to be too cute. Going too little girlie is a terrible mistake for a grown woman to make. There are certain elements of little girl fashion that is trendy, and acceptable. A well-placed hair clip is not only functional, but can add the whole cute look to an otherwise grown-up outfit, and this kind of accessorising works especially well at work. To a certain extent, the bubble skirts and dresses of the 80s are also a tad little girlie. They are fun, and a rare example of fashion not taking itself too seriously. But bringing elements of little girl style to your wardrobe needs careful consideration, and a keen eye for cute versus too kitsch to pull off. Ballet shoes are okay, jelly shoes are not.  Remember Lara Flynn Boyle’s disastrous attempt to look cute with her ballerina ensemble a few years ago at the 2003 Golden Globe Awards?

Then there was Bjork’s swan dress at the 2001 Oscars. Again, probably a million little girls would gape at such a wonderful dress up outfit, but worn as an adult fashion statement, this dress begged ugly duckling comments. Bjork is considered the queen of indie fashion, but you have to wonder how many indie followers approved of this get up. For the most part, we need to let go, and leave dressing like little girls to the little girls.

The worst faux pas of all, in my opinion, is the publicly upheld belief that white underwear won’t be visible beneath white clothing. What do these white knicker loving women think? That Elle Macpherson brought out beige lingerie because she liked the colour? So many times I have been in nightclubs where some otherwise hot little bunny is bouncing around in white pants, only to have whopping great white underpants shining through. Not only does the knicker line in these kind of situations make grown women look like they are wearing nappies, but it shows a complete lack of understanding of appropriate underwear. Yes, beige underwear may be amongst the least attractive in the drawer that is otherwise stuffed with sexy Kylie, Berlie or La Perla matching sets, and you need to ensure that any potential hot and heavy moments are reserved for days when beige is not lurking beneath your skirt in order to avoid a cringe worthy Bridget Jones moment. But trust me, despite their less than sexy reputation, whenever you are donning a light fabric, beige will be your best friend.

Fashion faux pas are going to happen, and as unlikely as it seems, possibly even to you and me. All we can do is hope that someone who likes us nicely points it out, and we don’t make the same mistake twice. If you have any doubts about your wardrobe choices, AskBronny, or dob in a friend and her faux pas so we can learn from her mistakes!