Bridal Blunders!

Here at Ask Bronny, we can’t choose your reception venue, audition the band or select your invitations, but we can help you to avoid making the five classic bridal gown blunders!

So what are the pitfalls of choosing your wedding outfit, and how can you avoid them?

1. Location, location and the Wonders of Nature!
This means long, white trains for garden weddings, and spike heels on the beach. Think about where you are getting married, and be honest with yourself about what really is and isn’t appropriate.  You may have seen the perfect pair of white satin stilettos, and can’t imagine your wedding outfit without them, but no matter how elegant the shoes are, if you’re stalking around on them, ‘cat on a hot tin roof’ style, trying not to sink, the overall effect will be quite inelegant.  Similarly, long trains and trailing hems aren’t really your absolute best choice for outdoor weddings, unless your completely sure that the ground is 100% clean and dry, or else you don’t mind the idea of a few inches of damp grass stain around the hem of your dress!

Speaking of choosing clothes that are suitable for venues, if you’re marrying in a church or other place of worship and planning on strapless or off the shoulder, check with the priest, rabbi or minister first! It is not unheard of for priests to stop a bride from entering the church until she covers up, so avoid this situation by asking first, and then finding some sort of shoulder covering (and veils don’t count!) for the ceremony. Many have tried, but this is not a battle I’ve ever heard of a bride winning, so you might as well avoid the hassle – it’s only for during the ceremony, anyway.

2. Fancy Dress Fashion Felonies
This category covers anything zany, shocking, themed or excessively ‘period’.  So, in practical terms, hotpants, white leather, almost anything that needs to be hired from a costume shop, full Regency style including powdered wig, or anything that makes you feel like Priscilla Presley or look like Joanne Capper.

Most brides want to look unique, and for their wedding to be original, but there are better ways of achieving this than hiring a mermaid costume, or getting married in a pair or white satin short shorts with matching bra-top and feather-trimmed chiffon coat.  Ditto period dress that is so over the top that it looks more like an extra from ‘Amadeus’ or ‘Austin Powers’.

Don’t get me wrong, your bridal outfit should definitely reflect your personality; a hint of period can be gorgeous, some ‘theme’ weddings (medieval and vintage spring to mind) can really work if you have like-minded guests.  I’m all for having a theme as long as it’s done well, and carried through seamlessly, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with trying to inject a bit of fun and frivolity into your day…just don’t go crazy with it.  While I worked in weddings, I dealt with brides who did each of the above things (and many, many more!), and they often ended up a little regretful (especially Mrs Mermaid and the hotpants girl), because not only didn’t their bridal outfits stand the test of time, the whole idea had gotten kinda old by the time the wedding rolled around!  After all, every bride wants a touch of ‘fairy princess’ on her wedding day, you just don’t necessarily need to accessorise with toy shop wings and wands to do it.

So the lesson here is, think of your wedding outfit the same way you’d think of a tattoo.  If you don’t like the idea of being associated with it forever, don’t do it!

3. The Myth of the Fabulous Fixer (Tugger or Hiker!) Upper
I’ve never met a woman who hasn’t, at some stage in her life, bought an out outfit that just doesn’t quite fit.  Maybe it’s just a fraction too snug, or perhaps it just doesn’t sit quite right at the bodice.  Maybe it manages to twist itself around your body when you walk.  The temptation to buy clothing that doesn’t fit or sit properly is never so evident as when formal wear is involved.  We imagine that we’ll mainly be sitting or standing still, we’ll just make sure that we don’t eat once we get there, and anyway, we’ll be wearing it for such a relatively short period that we can keep a check on the problem. Well, we’re wrong – we won’t and we can’t. Trust me, hours can seem like days when you’re constantly picking at your bodice or are trying to make sure that the zip on your skirt stays at the back of your body.

No matter how beautiful it is, don’t buy a wedding dress that sits oddly at the waist or bodice, or that will require frequent ‘hiking up’ or tugging down.  Avoid any fabrics that will make you feel itchy or make you perspire (heavier jacquard and lace bodices can be culprits here). And never, ever, ever spend money on an outfit that’s just a couple of centimetres too small – you may think that you can lose weight, and you probably can, but there are no guarantees to say that the outfit will be a good fit when you do!

So, unless you have an extremely reliable dressmaker, who knows you, your style and your body very well, buy a wedding dress that fits and sits well to begin with.

4. Dreamy Designs That Lead To Fashion Fatalities
I have to confess to a particular love for flowing chiffon or georgette bias-cut dresses and skirts.  They look so gorgeous on the hangers, the fabrics are beautiful and I can see myself drifting from late Spring into Summer like a wood nymph. 

The reality, however, is somewhat different.  The bias cut is always too small at the bust, two big at the waist, and clings to my hips and thighs most unattractively.  And so, I broken-heartedly walk away from these dresses, leaving my Midsummer Night’s Dream fantasies behind me.

I’m the first to admit that if you feel good in an outfit, it certainly helps you to look good – but only up to a point!  When choosing a bridal outfit, you need to be scrupulously, brutally honest with yourself.  Look at yourself from top to toe – are you very tall, or very short, do you have a short neck, a long waist, a short waist?  Are you very pear shaped, or do you wish you had a few more curves.  Are you exceedingly busty, or are your upper arms not very toned?  If the answer to any of these questions is ‘yes’ (which it will be for most of us!) then don’t despair – there is a great wedding dress out there for everybody.

A few basic tips:
- Short necks, round shoulders and double chins should avoid halter necks.
- Very shorts should stay away from very wide skirts.
- Very slims should forgo very straight, fitted dresses.
- Very buxoms should avoid strapless and empire-line.
- Un-toned arms should shy away from strapless.
- Pear shapes should steer clear of un-fitted bodices.
- Very shorts and very talls should avoid very long trains, as they will accentuate height (or lack thereof!) excessively

I know it’s hard to walk away from an ideal that you may have been harbouring for years, but you’ll thank yourself for it later.

The other aspect of clothing that doesn’t suit you is style and colour.  If your not generally a dress wearer, or white make you look a little bit yellowish (like it does me), then don’t feel constrained into wearing a dress, or buying a white outfit.  There are perfectly beautiful brides wearing baby pink, pistachio green, cherry red, autumn gold and delphinium blue dresses, and wonderful wedding outfits which feature pants rather than skirts out in the world.  Besides, you want to look back at your wedding photos and see somebody who is relaxed and happy in what she’s wearing, not a bride who clearly feels like her outfit is wearing her!

It’s your day, and so remember there is greater beauty in looking like yourself than there will ever be in dressing up like somebody else for such an important milestone in your life.

5. Trusting Your Luck (and Your Underwear)
I once knew a bride who had her wedding dress made by her mother, who then embroidered it all over.  This bride had also bought a strapless, stick-on bra to go under her dress, and so she was set.  Or so she thought.

The bride hadn’t tried on the dress for a couple of months, as it was at her mother’s house.  She hadn’t tried on the bra since the dress had been initially made.  So, imagine her shock on the wedding day, when the bra was miles too small, and the dress was slightly too big!  Disaster!

Luckily, the makeup artist was able to contact a large department store and have them send out a selection of bras to fit this bride – she stipulated a 12D.  Unfortunately, the store sent out 10B’s, and they were corsets, not bras!

Well, the bride had no choice but to wear one of these corsets – with the resultant consequence that she had to lie almost flat in the Rolls, could barely breathe throughout the wedding itself, and as soon as the ceremony was finished, the bridesmaid had to make discreet inquiries amongst the female quests, to see who might have a flesh coloured, size 12D strapless bra that she would be willing to surrender to the bride!

Sounds far fetched?  I wish it was.  That was my first wedding in 1994.

It’s all funny now, but at the time, it was horrible, and the whole disaster could have been averted if I’d just tried the dress and bra on a few days before the wedding!

The moral here is – keep a check on your wedding garments.  Stress (and believe me, close to your wedding, there will be stress!) makes some people lose weight, and some gain it.  So, stage a full wedding dress rehearsal, with shoes, undergarments, hoop (if your dress needs one) veil and even jewellery a week before the wedding, and then again, the day before.

It just may save you from having to borrow a bra from your mother’s best friend!